Living a Slow Death...
  |
Although Theseus had relegated himself to the porch, this afforded
him a unique position. He came into contact with many interesting characters.
For example, he was now on speaking terms (hello and good-bye) with a zebra
that was attempting to pass as a student. Everyone, except the zebra,
seemed to know that the only students were human. And so while Theseus
spoke his hello's and good-bye's to the zebra, he attempted not to "slip"
and let the zebra know that everyone, underneath the surface, thought him
pathetic. It was a sad thing to see the demise of the zebra, and Theseus
wondered if his own condition was the result of his ancestors' following
a similar path. Because of his age, he had grown spiteful and had
began to wish a similar fate on the offspring of those that he now served,
although he wasn't exactly sure of who "they" were.
In addition to the zebra, there were many others he tolerated. Among
these, the only one still capable of bringing a smile to his face was what
other humans called a "liberal." The liberal was human but had the persona
of the zebra—attempting at all times, depending on the audience, to be
something other than what he/she was. Theseus found liberals to be very
predictable and fun to play with; they were curious pets for him. It was
as if he could say "sit!" and out of what they thought was their responsibility
to him, they would comply. But he also knew that no matter how much they
played or complimented him on his clothes or his shoes, they found comfort
in the fact that he was just a monkey underneath it all. The liberals may
have been despised by other humans but they were, obviously, still of a
higher rank than the monkey. He knew that their last thoughts before going
to sleep at night were about him, and that they taught their children prayers
that went something like this:
There were indeed rumors as to whether porch monkeys had souls, and
this possibility caused quite a disturbance in the academy. The ruckus
became so profound that there was now a motion on the desk of the president
of the academy to consider whether there should be a whole separate department
established to consider the matter. This reminded him of an attempt some
time before, when other scholars were considering whether there was evidence
to the fact that the buzzard, originally ridden by the signifyin' monkey,
was an ancestor of the liberal. Their findings were inconclusive, but they
flew all over the country attending conferences to speculate about how
their (in)conclusions were the best yet put forth on the subject. He began
to won- der if there was a clause under Section 8 that could get him out
of the porch and into the suburbs. |
